So I Thought I was Knocked Up.

Seriously. TMI moment here. I've been meaning to buy a preggo test but Ralph's never seem to keep it stocked up. WTF @ these hoes in Torrance yo.

Anyway, I was spazzing this afternoon and checked out Albertson's instead to see if my birth control failed me.

So, I discreetly grabbed my EPT and bone out. Thank god for self check out cuz I was dressed kinda skanky today. Didn't want to fuel the flame. My rep is bad enough as is.

So I sprint back to my car eager to pee on this magic stick. Yea yea. Spare the jokes. Magic sticks is what got me into this mess in the first place. Whatevs.

SKKKKKKERRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTT.

WTF!

WTF!

I almost get hit by a car.

weird man: yo. you're looking cute. what's your name?
me: ronnie. (what?! i'm a horrible liar. read further for proof)
weird man: ronnie. sweet ronnie.
me:........
wm: are you married ronnie?
me: umm. uhhh. YES.
wm: really. where's your RING?
me: uhhh. It umm. FELL! yea. (That's it!) It fell down the sink. a month ago.
wm: *looks skeptical* are you lying.
me: (WTF DUDE IS PERSISTENT) *nervous giggles* no i'm not lying.
wm: can we still be friends?
me: uhhhhh. I left my credit card in Albertson's. BYE!

Whew. Teach me how to lie better. Please?

If you are what you say you are...

.. a super star.

Kanye, Lupe, and Pharrell tonight!

Pics and story to come!

Hot Dogs cure all pain. doctor proven. ronnie approved.

I've been really sick since Saturday trying to tough it out. I wanted to go to dinner tonight but I couldn't get out of the house. So I did what I do best.

"yo. bring me food."
"why are you such a bitch?"
"sorry. i'm sick."
"....ok."

Suckers.

He comes over all excited and said guess what? I brought you this



(Not the actual pic. I kinda ate it all before I remembered to take a pic)

OMG!

The boy went to my newest favorite spot. Luna Y Sol. They have the BEST street food - bacon wrapped hot dog, tacos, menudo, etc without having me on the street. Cuz you all know I'm a prissy bitch.

I don't know what's in a hot dog. Frankly, it's 10 times the size of a normal Oscar Meyer. (hehe. get it? Frankly. Franks. Hot dogs = franks? .... ok i'm lame. nvm)

....Mutant dogs are the equivalent of mutant dick. You're just scared that you'll like it.

Don't ask what that means. I'm a little high on tylenol right now.

Luna Y Sol
2140 Artesia Blvd
Torrance, CA 90504
(310) 380-4661

I can be a good host..

...when I try.

But I wasn't in trying mood today. I come home from school, call the boy over, and switch between PCD presents: Girlicious and the game.

Which by the way... Natalie for the win! I don't care what you say. I love that sassy ho.

See proof - http://youtube.com/watch?v=A2IOn6BQNm8

I've been on a total carb binge today. I had spaghetti with meatballs and potato bacon soup for lunch. And when I asked the boy to make something for me.. he brings out this:



Ramen without soup. Nice.



Oh snap. What you know about the oyster sauce.



Let the world know how fobby I am. Cute.

Honestly, under any other circumstances this is actually my favorite 10PM meal. But ick. Carb overload.

I'm so picky. It's a wonder he puts up with me.

Add nudity and we'd have a party

Q: Where can you find fresh fruit, flowers, and a plethora of tantalizing dishes?

A: An Indian Harem!

Actually no. You'd have to add naked hos.

It's the Torrance Farmer's market silly. Best farmer's market ever! No old people to mow you over with their old school Buick. (Is it still too soon to make jokes?)

Only place nearby that sells fresh kettle corn. Mmmmmm. Sweet popcorn. I bought curry chicken, 5 meat sticks, and iced tea for less than six bucks.

Speaking of meat sticks, I had the oddest experience here. I don't know if he was hitting on me or undressing me with his eyes. Probably both.

(Mind you, I was 15 and still naive.)

Me: Let me get two steak sticks.
Man: A steak stick eh?
Me: Yes. Steak stick.
Man: A big steak stick?
Me: ..... huh?
Man: Hehe. I got your steak stick.

It was like that awkward Knock Knock/Whose there?/Orange/Orange who?/Knock Knock X's five joke that went on forever. After the fifth knock knock, you end up socking Timmy in the face and walking away.

[some pics to come]

Torrance Farmer's Market
2400 Jefferson St
Torrance, CA, 90510
(310) 618-2930

Happy Bunny Day!

Friend: "Dude. You need to stop worrying so much."

OK. You are telling this to an Asian Virgo with an OCD father.

I have always obsessed over being the perfect girlfriend. I figure baking skills were pretty high on the "good gf" list.

I woke up at 2pm today and decided I needed to bake some Easter cookies. No I wasn't high and yes these were for myself. Out of habit, I don't celebrate holidays with any potential mates. I will explain that strange (but highly reasonable) quirk on a later date but for now ...LOOK!


Awww. I smushed one.



I could sell these. I really could.



Yes. I give myself gifts. I have low self esteem. What?

By the way, if these cookies look familiar please disregard any Pillsbury Easter special box you saw at Ralph's. These were not from the 24 count box.

I swear.

Boys like me

Wait. Let me rephrase that. Freaks like me. I only attract weirdos, crazies, and stalkers.

"Oh I'm different."
"I would never be like that."
"We can take it slow."
"Oh please. I'm a pimp pimp playa. I'll never stalk you."

Right, sure you won't. And I'm a really nice girl with integrity and high moral values.

No really I am.